Three Ways to Improve Your Relationship With Food Mini Guide

Expanding My Definition of Health

When I was struggling most with disordered eating, my definition of healthy was quite narrow. I had come to believe that health was largely defined by my body size, how much I produced and how many vegetables I ate. It was really exhausting. There are lots of things that influence how we come to understand what healthy means — our culture, family of origin, job sector, friends, media and even well-meaning healthcare professionals.

At some point a few years ago, I took a look at how I was treating my mind and body and realized it wasn’t really making me healthy. This felt quite conflicting because I had built somewhat of an identity around these “healthy” activities. I decided to take a deeper look to see if I could redefine my view of health based on what was available, accessible and helpful for me.

2014 me thought healthy was:

  • Eating a certain number of calories a certain number of times each day
  • Having “control” over my food choices and portions
  • Looking a certain way – i.e. a certain weight or muscle-distribution
  • Waking up at the crack of dawn to do a regimented workout 6-7 days a week 
  • Neglecting sleep to get more things done
  • Apple cider vinegar shots, goji berries, flaxseed and other “superfoods” 

When I really took a look at this definition, I felt hollow. None of those things genuinely felt healthy to me — they mostly felt like distractions. It took me a really long time and lots of practice and sitting in discomfort to discover a new definition of healthy that better serves my mental and physical health.

2020 healthy to me means:

  • Eating foods that are nourishing but also enjoyable. For me that means only spending a few minutes deciding what to eat per meal and understanding that all foods can fit into a healthy eating pattern.
  • Exercising 3-4 days per week (combo of lifting, jogging, stretching and walking) but allowing for changes due to lack of sleep, over-committing myself or simply “not feeling it”
  • Putting some thought into my schedule for the day but not being so meticulous that I can’t make adjustments
  • Prioritizing my spiritual health and spending time with Jesus daily – sometimes while driving, but often by walking around outside. Spending time in His word and in fellowship.
  • Engaging in social outings that bring me joy but also being able to say no if I need some time to recharge. That could look like choosing to go out to dinner or on a hike or to a concert in a moment’s notice because I’m living now, not in the past or future.
  • Getting at least 7-8 hours of sleep per night
  • Engaging in life regardless of how I feel about my body that day

In this definition, my choices are very nuanced but overall I’m prioritizing my well-being instead of using other parameters of success (like calorie counts or # of minutes on a treadmill). Know that while these are my intentions, I don’t always meet them. Sometimes I face a challenge and think it will be easier to deal with if I’m smaller or I exercise harder, but it’s not true. It’s a process, and I’ll probably always be learning.

What also might be helpful is understanding that this definition of healthy can continue to change based on the season of life we’re in.

Questions for you: what does healthy mean to you? If your current definition isn’t what you’d like it to be, what would you eventually like it to be? Make yourself a list of experiences or boundaries you want to incorporate into your life. The more you see those in front of you – on your mirror – hanging on your cork-board – on your fridge, the more you can start to work toward them.

Rooting for you,

Alyssa

One Response

  1. Dr Julie K is a Doctor of Psychology working as a Life Coach and Human Design Advisor online and in person in Miami FL. Dr Julie Kokesch holds a Bachelors, Masters and Doctorate in Clinical Psychology. Dr Kokesch offers individual, couples and group psychological consulting and leads Human Design Workshops online and in person for various community organizations and corporations.