Do You Have a Healthy Relationship with Food? Read This to Find Out.

Disclaimer: This is not meant to be used as a diagnostic tool for eating disorders. This post is intended to help you get curious about your relationship with food. If you feel you have an unhealthy relationship with food, it’s best to seek professional care. For more information on eating disorders, please visit NEDA.

I always start by letting my clients know it’s very common to have an unhealthy relationship with food because of the culture we live in. Nearly all of the information we read about in news articles contain confusing, if not outright false, information about nutrition and how to eat. Not to mention, there is a significant part of society especially obsessed with dieting and “clean eating” and we feel that pressure. Oh, and life is hard and sometimes we find less than helpful ways to cope, which could include trying to control our relationship with food. (PS: this deserves compassion, not judgment.) There are truly so many factors that go into this.

Honestly, having a healthy relationship with food in today’s culture — without some kind of support — is an anomaly. So seriously — I get it. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

With that being said, it’s helpful to do some self-reflection about your relationship with food, especially if you feel like you’re spending a lot of time thinking or worrying about food choices. The following lists are not meant to diagnose an eating disorder but they can help you get curious about your relationship with food so you can get further support or direction if you need it. Eating disorders and disordered eating occur on a spectrum, which makes it really tricky to know where you fall. Regardless, you know if something is off and you do not need to wait until you meet a certain criteria to get help.

Ultimately, improving your relationship with food is about creating a life outside your food choices.

Below you’ll see lots of different examples under “healthy” and “unhealthy” when it comes to food choices. What I want to point out is: when it comes to determining the health of your relationship with food & body, it’s important to consider the frequency, severity and interference of these attributes. Meaning — how often are you doing X? How severe is X? How much is X interfering with your day to day life? (To reiterate — the behaviors don’t need to be a certain level of severity or intensity to get help. If you aren’t sure if you have a healthy relationship with food, it’s probably time to talk to someone. And there’s no shame in that.)

If you have questions, you can always email me. I’d be happy to work through this with you.

Healthy 

• Mainly relies on internal hunger cues to guide decisions about how much & when to eat
• Able to make decisions about food in a few minutes or at a moment’s notice
• Eats a wide range of nutrients and food groups (i.e. nothing is off-limits unless for medical reasons like an allergy)
• Not anxious at a social gathering that involves food
• Chooses what to eat based on hunger level, what’s available, what tastes good and what makes sense for a person’s schedule
• Sometimes eats past fullness (like at a birthday party or dinner at your favorite restaurant)
• Eats for emotional (sometimes) and not emotional reasons (usually)
• Medically stable weight (i.e. at set point w/no heart issues)
• Spends 10-15% of the day thinking about food
• Does not need to always “clean plate” because food is available later/tomorrow
• Has more than one way to cope with negative emotions
• Not preoccupied with thoughts about food or body image
• Eating for nourishment, enjoyment and satisfaction

Unhealthy

• Spends 80-100% of the day thinking about food choices & body size
• Intense guilt/shame after eating
• Intense preoccupation with thoughts about food
• Relies on external cues to decide when to start/stop eating instead of body’s signals
• Eats/orders based on what others are eating/ordering
• Fear of weight gain
• Fear of developing a nutrient deficiency quickly
• Fear of eating “unclean” foods that will lead to disease or harm your body
• Anxious when eating out with friends and family
• Avoidance of social events because of uncertainty of what food will be available
• Intense fatigue, lethargy or frequent headaches
• Constant body checking to see if it’s changed
• Avoiding foods that contain salt, fat, carbohydrates or other nutrients deemed unhealthy
• Labeling of self as good or bad after eating certain foods
• Using food as only coping mechanism for hard emotions

What to do with these lists:

1. Be compassionate toward yourself. Remember, it’s really hard to have a healthy relationship with food without support.
2. Continue to build awareness. Depending how long you’ve noticed your behaviors that aren’t helpful, you may or may not be ready to ask for help. You have the dignity of choice. I promise it’s worth it to ask for help.
3. Get curious with your behaviors. Where did you learn them? 
4. If you’re having a hard time knowing whether you engage with certain behaviors, reach out to someone who can help you objectively reflect on these lists.

Ready to get support? Click here.

You can do this.