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When I first created this blog, I decided to name it Gratefully Nourished. It was sort of on a whim — I knew the idea was I was grateful to have come to a place where I truly wanted to nourish and care for my body, rather than try to constantly change and fix it. But recently, I’ve been learning more and more about gratitude and it’s like God is showing me the bigger role it will play in my life.
About a month ago, I was home visiting family. I usually try to stop by the half-priced bookstore when I’m there to see if I can find anything. I had books that I was explicitly searching for, but I didn’t find any of them. Instead I stumbled upon One Thousand Gifts. I quickly reasoned that I definitely didn’t need a book not already on my too long list. But on the cover it said it had sold over one million copies, so I gave it another look.
I started reading the first chapter, and tears began to well up in my eyes. This writer was so honest and real….and vulnerable. I stood there for about 10 minutes oscillating between leaving and buying it. I bought it.
It’s probably worth noting that when something is well liked by other people, that’s usually reason for me to judge it even more harshly. So I can be different, you know?
A few weeks later, I decided it was time to really start this book. “How good could it be?” was essentially my thought. I start reading. It took me a while to let myself get into the book. It’s got a lot of detail, and I just wanted to get to the point. The takeaways. The tools I can use to make my life better. And then it strikes me.
“Eucharisteo — thanksgiving — always precedes the miracle.” Then again: “Our very saving is associated with our gratitude.” One more time: “Our salvation in Christ is real, yet the completeness of that salvation is not fully realized in a life until the life realizes the need to give thanks.”
She argues that the way to live a full life is through this idea of Eucharisteo — giving thanks for all we have, even the mundane, small things. She believes we have to learn and practice gratitude because it’s not our natural bend. (Philippians 4:11-12 I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little.)
Sure, yeah, I knew gratitude was important. But a matter of saving my life? That was new.
Then — a few days ago, a good friend from high school sent me a podcast that featured Brene Brown. I had heard of her but admittedly had not actually read or listened to any of her work. So I started the podcast, truthfully expecting to half listen while at work. I almost have to laugh at how naive I can be to God’s presence almost all the time. As I’m listening, Brene talks about vulnerability – a topic that I am fascinated by and want to study. She says a lot of really great things (and you should just listen to the podcast to hear them all) but one thing stuck out in particular:
“When we lose our tolerance to be vulnerable, joy becomes foreboding. When we experience joy, we suddenly think in the same moment that the shoe is going to drop right when things are finally going well — and the way to combat that feeling is through gratitude.”
Dang…..again.
So…..gratitude is how I combat fear and foreboding joy…..and how I get saved? Do I really believe that? And do I really want to do the work?
I am learning everyday that these things are true. Emulating One Thousand Gifts (which, spoiler, is about her making a list of 1000 things she’s grateful for), I have made my own gratitude list. I am practicing (literally, actually, practicing) being grateful when I feel the daggers of insecurity, comparison and fear creep into my life — because they will and they do. I am reading about Brene’s work about shame and fear. About how vulnerability is the way to deep connection and relationships and courage. Frankly, this is terrifying but exciting. Hard but helpful.
And in my typical fashion, I feel God confirming that this idea of gratitude is essential to living a full life, shutting down fear and shame and stepping into what He’s called me to write about and do.
So I guess — a year and half later — this name “Gratefully Nourished” is starting to make more sense.
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