I received this question via instagram and thought a lot of people could relate:
What would you say to someone who wants to start the intuitive eating process but is married to someone who wants her to lose weight and finds his wife more attractive at a lower weight?
Ah, gosh this is a tough question. I have so much compassion for those who feel like their spouse or partner won’t support their journey to intuitive eating and food freedom. I think it could be tempting to simply say “well, get a new partner!” but the truth is this is much more complex than that.
First — let’s establish that all people live in and are accustomed to diet culture and our weight-focused society. So it’s quite normal for men and women to prefer thin bodies and not understand intuitive eating or why it would matter and be helpful. Let that sink in. We are all living in a world that’s telling us to be smaller and “take our health into our own hands!”. Not only is that worldview exhausting, but it’s also not true. We aren’t in control of our health in the way wellness and diet culture try to convince us we are. Sit with that.
If you are at a place where you’ve struggled quietly with an eating disorder or disordered eating, let me first say that I see you. That is so hard. Pursing food freedom through self-care, intuitive eating and stress management is so worth it. And still hard. Explaining this process to another person can make it even harder. Here’s what I’d (humbly) suggest:
It’s very likely that you’ll need to have several conversations about this, so don’t be discouraged if it’s not all resolved right away. And of course in some relationships, you don’t need to explain yourself or your decisions. If you aren’t married, you ultimately belong to yourself (and God). However — marriage, in my humble opinion, is one of the times where more explanation is needed because you are in a devoted partnership and trust and understanding is so needed for that partnership to continue to thrive.
If you feel like your spouse or partner is still not understanding or supportive, it could be helpful to have a professional counselor or therapist involved so you can have a mediator for such a delicate subject.
Sending you lots of love & compassion
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